1. They are too small.
I’m serious. Go look and see how big most muddlers are.
The first one I ever bought wasn’t even as tall as my mixing glass. Most available now are only 8 to 10 inches. How are you supposed to mash limes with that? You gotta be able to get in there and push with quite a bit of might if you are really making mojitos. If you’re making a drink that doesn’t require limes, you can get away with a small muddler. Hell, you can just use the back of the bar spoon. But if you want to get the lime juice, you gotta get the size.
No matter what anyone says, size is important. Now I’m not saying that there aren’t good muddlers out there that are big enough, but this is problem number 1.
2. They’re a useless gadget.
Ok, I overstated that. They’re not useless. But they’re not all that useful, either. They don’t multitask.
Like Alton Brown, I want multitaskers in my kitchen. If I owned a bar, that might be different. But in my kitchen, space is limited, and I don’t have room for things that aren’t essentials. I want a pasta maker, but I don’t have one. I want a bread machine, but I don’t have one. After all, those are gadgets that I don’t really need. But I do need something to mash up my drinks.
But I don’t need a muddler.
Enter the French rolling pin. Yes, that’s right, the French rolling pin. Like the one above. It’s long, and it’s a great multitasker. You probably have a rolling pin already, and if you don’t it’s time you did. How do you roll out your dough, after all?
And then, on it’s off days, you can use it to make mojitos.
If you think I’m crazy, Jeffrey Morganthaler has already written about doing practically the same thing, except cutting one in half. Which doesn’t really solve the multitask problem.
So anyway, go buy a rolling pin and start making pizzas. And calzones. And cinnamon rolls. And Mojitos! Or Pliny’s Tonics!
Awesome.